Potty Me? Yes! Potty You!

Is there a light at the end of this potty training tunnel?

Because I feel like I’m sitting here alone and lost in this dark and dismal tunnel with a fistful of damp matches.

…Hoping beyond hope that the tide will turn...Dreaming of potty victory…Praying to the ceramic gods…

I have cajoled. I have bribed. I have waited. I have charted.

Finally, only to turn the other cheek…ahem.

However, I have learned that sometimes when you’re frustrated and over wrought…And, when you just can’t take it anymore as you are swirling down the drain hole of mamma madness…

Magic can occur…

“Bippity boppity boo…
Here’s some potty magic for you…”

FLUSH!

With all of the creatures lurking in my home,(here, here, here) why I hadn’t considered putting in a call to my Potty Godmother, I will never know. But, there she stood. She was dressed in magic fairy blue with a sparkling wand held high over the pot.

“Next time, child, give the Potty Godmother a call.
Buns are my expertise. I guide them. I train them. I get them to sit.
I show them. I teach them. I get them to sh*t.
You see, it’s my trade. My line of work.
Gimme a call before mom goes beserk.”

She left me with her business card and a feel for her wit.

Priscella, Potty GodMother
1-800-U2-CAN-SH*T

Put Up Your Dukes!!

The hysterics began slowly, building gradually and then peaked with one sharp, explosive piercing SCREECH!

Now, mind you, the panic would have been contained if the furry legged, multi-eyed beast of an arachnid had stayed in his corner of the tub.

But, oh, no.

This fierce bug had postured himself into a threatening stance. Perched on his hind legs, front legs balled into a fist, Spidey eyeballs rolling…..

And, pinchers pinching.

Not sure what this fella had in mind.

Guess he figured he could take me.

Maybe even thought I had it coming.

Perhaps he had planned to teach me a lesson.

Gimme a taste of my own medicine.

Serve me a knuckle sandwich even.

Typically, I am not one to back down from a fight. But, I just couldn’t see myself locking horns with this critter. Just not my thing.

I scurried off, tail between my legs, to fetch my hubby.

Hubby stomped in with his size 10 boots, eager to provide a quick and easy, albeit messy, solution.

And, then, I re-considered.

“Wait!”

Hubby hesitated, boot hovering over my opponent, quizzical look on his face.

“Ah…..um….I mean.…well…” I attempted to explain my thoughts.

Hubby raised an eyebrow.

“Ya gotta admire the spunk,” I said.

“Go get a cup.”

And, tonight, somewhere in our garden, a lone soldier returns home to the village, full of tales of bath tubs and gentle giants.

“…And, so, I gave her the ol’ one, two…See?
Tryin’ to mess with the likes of me.
Ain’t happenin’ on my watch. No, sir!
Next time, I’ll clock her where it counts…”

Worry Shrew...

I am not a worry wart. Not me. No way. No how.

Me?

I am a worry shrew.

Yes, a worry shrew, complete with a wart, a snaggle tooth and a rolling, lazy eye.

I burn the midnight oil as I run endless circles, wringing my knobbly fingers and hissing my endless worries.

When I am in the thick of a spell, I scold. I curse. I growl and I spit.

Nothing soothes my prickly thoughts or calms my crabby demeanor.

Yes, I am a worry shrew.

As for those worry warts?

Well…..they’re just a bunch of sissies ….

Grrrrrrr…

'Twas a dozey kinda day....

We were having a dozy afternoon in the backyard

With Pappa in his swim trunks and I in my floppy hat.

Our gals were about to settle down

For a nice hammocky nap….

When out from our bedroom there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my lawn chair to see what was the matter

Away to the glass slider, I flew like a flash

Ran into the slider and felt like an a*s

My computer screen was emitting an eerie blue glow

And I began to shiver, sweat and scream, “Oh, Lord no…”

My very own Apple computer was yelling “COME HERE!!…

Your Mamma talk blog has been up all year.

Have you forgotten? Haven’t you ignored her enough?”

Then, my keyboard began to type up some stuff…

“You have a blog. A lonely blog, too.

She feels neglected and she’s feeling quite blue.”

Well, I tried to explain and I started to Boo-Hoo

“We were on vacation and the kids had the flu.

Besides, who blogs in the summer, see here for a clue.”

“’Enough,” screamed the ‘puter, “You know what to do!”

So, here I sit hoping and praying that this will do.

Some bad poetry and goofy off season fun.

Now, back to the wading pool. I was enjoying the sun!

Good, Clean Fun Review

My girls were thrilled to take a dip with this Dino-Fizz egg from Smith and Vandiver. Once this fizz bomb dissolved, a little Stegasaurus emerged! It was quite the science experiment…just add water and a couple Princess Paleontologists, of course.

Among the benefits..

-PH balanced to be gentle and non-irritating to skin and eyes
- Sulfate-free and non-toxic
- Phalate-free certified natural fragrance
- Paraben and formaldehyde free
- No colors, synthetic fragrances or animal by-products

We also sampled some Dino Bubbles. After all the roaring was complete, my girls went to bed, clean, soothed and ready for some dino dreams….A big thank you to Smith and Vandiver for supplying the samples!