A Special kind of Mathematics

Calculating your chances of getting lucky tonight…

Take one marital sex life, add 500 points
Divide it by 10 after first child
Divide it by 100 after second child
Find the square root of that number after third child
If you are nursing a baby, subtract 20 points
If you are nursing a baby, add 80 points (big boobs)
Erase all points if you are currently living with a newborn
Subtract 5 points for each load of dirty laundry sitting in the laundry room
Add 10 points if hubby mowed the lawn recently
Add 20 points if it is winter (who am I to argue with statistics?)
Add a zero to your number (15 becomes 150) if your child currently does not have colic, an ear infection or the croup
Add 3 points if it is payday, ahh, make that 2 points (inflation)
Add another 10 if the lady of the house won tonight’s battle of the remote control
Add 10 points and a chocolate martini if you are still with me.
If your mother in law lives within a 5 mile radius, divide by 2 and start over
If Grey’s Anatomy is on tonight, erase all points
If it is a re-run, ….Hmmmmm…OK…add 10 points
If it is after 9:00 PM, stop your calculations and start again tomorrow
If your child is over the age of 21, stop calculating and see How to Calculate if your Adult Child is Getting Lucky Tonight.

Results

200 points or more- I know what’s been going on in your house!
100 points or more-Just a friendly reminder that the bedroom tango is still on!
50 points or more- Well...Go ahead, add a zero to your number and see above
Less than 50 points- Sorry, not in the cards for you, but go ahead, add a zero and see above!