I admit, I used to have a bit of a potty mouth, slipping in a creative utterance here, a colorful phrase there, and carefully tossing in a detailed, edgy description when deemed necessary. Yes, I managed to flip the switch off during working hours, but, boy, I let my hair down after hours. I simply thought a story would be incomplete without a handful of epithets, cleverly selected curses and properly chosen 4 lettered expletives.
And, then I had children, a permanent audience to my saucy narratives. Today, I have grown to be sneaky with my sailor’s mouth.
“Ouch! I hurt my freaky, feathery finger.”
“I wish he’d get out of my ding-dong way.”
“What hamburger flippin’ business is it of his, anyway?”
“I’d love to throw this shippy piece of slip slap away, gosh dangity dang dern it.…”
“Holy, Mommy, myrtle turtle tater tots. That was one big freaky, froupy frit frat. Did you see that nickel knuckle knickerbukker? That must have been the biggest dibble dabble dripper I have ever….What a shite shut!”
And, boy, did I think I had my bases covered…..Until parent teacher conferences at my 3 year old’s preschool.
“Ahem, Mrs. ******," The teacher was hesitant as she spoke. “What is a shite shot?”
10 years ago
22 comments:
Oh yes, the New Cursing Vocab. While I didn't have the mouth of a sailor or a truck driver (to go with the possibly maligned stereotypical potty-mouthed folks), I did sprinkle my speech with the occasional 4-lettered beauty. The biggest offender of all in my vocab (the Em Eff word) is hardwired to pop out loudly whenever I hurt myself - this is my biggest issue now in the NCV era. This is because I am rather a klutz and like I said, it is hardwired to pop out whenever I've inflicted injury upon myself.
The NCV in our house includes:
Cheese and toast!
Pickle juice! (this from my daughter, I think she may've gotten it from VeggieTales - can't get more wholesome a curse than that!)
Zamboni!!
and my daughter's other, more original favorite that she uses with abandon: Shooty pickles!
I've also had to turn the occasional almost Em-Ef into a hearty Mmmmmmmmama mia!
Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle! :)
LOL....
I use "Fudge Buckets" a lot... til one day I acidentaly turned it into "Budge F*ckets"
Thank you so much for the LOL. I, too, have whitewashed my vocabularly. However, my husband asked me "Do you say Dammit...because Max (our 2 year old) does"
Well, after hearing my 4-year-old utter "dammit!" in the same exact tone that I use it, I decided I had better start watching what I say. We also use Pickles! and Oh, Garbage! has become a favorite. Still not as good as my old faves, though.
Hee heee! At least she didn't shout, "Oh, Holy Crap!" in church during a very quiet part of the service. Um, yeah, that would be my four year old son.
Hilarious (as usual). I love your made-up words. I haven't been nearly as creative as you.
So what does Shite Shot mean?
How come I'm not that quick on my feet with such explatives? Yours are sure to make the anger/frustration fly right out the window. Thanks for stopping by my SITS day. I hope you'll come back again! I enjoyed your sweet comments.
Ah, whoops!
Ok, I'm most perplexed that your preschool had a parent teacher conference. What the heck did she talk about?
Ah, Sammy can color, but outside of the lines, eats snack like a champ, plays like nobodys business.........
I was really surprised, too. But, I learned a lot. It's amazing how smart they are at this age. And, yes, she did color in the lines...most of the time.
You get a class A license in creative swearing from me. I got most of my accidental swearing out with my nephews and finally reined in my mouth with my first kid. Your post cracked me up!
Why Miss _______, I am exposing my daughter to alliteration and assonance as to improve her prosody, an important part of fluency. Really, I expect my children's teachers to be more knowledgeable.
haha...I don't have kids but I still try not to cuss unless it's necessary (is it ever necessary?!!) like when playing Mario Kart (yes sometimes it is) But I usually stick to things like "ohh poop stain..."
SNORT SNORT CHUCKLE SNORT....to freaking fracking funny! You never fail to make me laugh!
Lol! Literally, I laughed out loud! So funny!
I am the same way when I nanny...managing to turn curse words into funny words that get repeated!
Wow, I just find it is easier to say the word and then tell my kid, 'That's a bad word, don't ever say it, at least not in front of anyone involved with law enforcement".
First time here. So nice to meet you.
I always think of a Christmas Story. The big F word "FUDGE", I say that alot, only it sounds like this ..
"Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffudge"
lol! how funny! just wanted to stop by from SITS to say hello and happy thanksgiving!
I've come up with some decent ones, myself. Some are old standbys, like "Holy Dinah!".
Others are more creative, like "Mother of Pearl!"
And then there are some that are entirely me. To whit:
"Love of Lords!" and "For the love of all things good and holey" and "Jeebus H with a pole vault!" and "Booger."
Creative cussing. I still drob f-bombs, but it's always sotto voce, so I hope it goes by unnoticed.
Oh yeah - I've so been there. With our first, I wasn't quite as savvy as you, so at the tender age of 2 1/2, he discovered the virtures of saying "sh-t."
I must say, he was smart enough to use it in correct context.
He gets that from me.
"Jeez Louise" seems to be the utterance of choice these days. I'm not sure if it's completely blasphemous or not.
I read on another blog that her go-to phrase when she wants to swear is "Sarah Jessica Parker" and now her kids walk around saying it!
I'm laughing out loud because I had to read those phrases out loud to my husband. We're both laughing. I had a sailor's mouth in college but have since found the error of my ways ;) The heaviest it gets now is 'crap'. And I'm surprised that my oldest (6) hasn't picked that up. Isn't it scary the things they hear!...when we think they're not listening especially...
LOL! I also had (have)a potty mouth... My oldest son picked up on the "F" bomb and we had to start using word substitution when he would launch one... it worked out well.. kinda.
Post a Comment