Pass the Pampers

It was our first day at home with our first baby. I was busy running circles around the house frantically wondering what to do with my new bundle. Hubby had run to Costco to buy last minute baby accessories.

My cell phone rang.

“Honey, I’m here at Costco and I noticed they have…Um….feminine napkins here. Ya can buy a box of 100. Do ya need 'em?”

My heart glowed. This was the man I married. White knight that he was, remembering my most personal items. Doing my thinking for me when my brain was so fuzzy.

I threw kisses and a pet name or two into the phone and sighed. What a fella.

Over the next few days, I began to notice how odd these discount feminine napkins were. Stiff and unusually curved…I certainly won’t buy these again, I noted. Too bad there were a few hundred left. Thinking hubby bought the wrong absorbency, I read the back.

As I strained to read the finer writing, I learned about this pad’s wonderful Absorb-loc core, its soft comfort and the amazing protection it would offer me. I learned how this absorbent pad would offer the greatest level of coverage for the woman with medium-light bladder leakage…. Back up. Pop her in reverse. Hubby bought me diapers? Yes, the light bulb above my head began to light up as I stood there in my, um…..yes, adult diapers. I had thought it was an odd brand for a great price. In fact, Poise is one of the most popular bladder control pads out there.

After a good hyena laugh which threatened to bust my C-section stitches, I attempted to send hubby back to the store with the box.

Hubby refused. Wouldn’t do it. Apparently, it was embarrassing enough to buy a mega box of menstrual pads in a crowded Costco on a Saturday. Now, the thought of returning an open box of adult diapers unnerved him. Wouldn’t do it.

“Couldn’t you…um…maybe use them?” he ventured to ask. “They work, right?”

“What?!” My voice was more shrill than I had expected.

“Couldn’t you save them for later?” he continued.

“Later? As in 40 years later?”

“Well, maybe you could give them away?” He still had hope in his voice.

“And, I could give these to…?”

“A homeless shelter…Maybe a church?...A retirement home?”

I admired his sense of charity, but once again the thought of carrying that opened box out into the brightly lit, very public world horrified us both.

So, trash bin it went in the dead of the night. And, I still feel guilty.

Such is the story of my one day spent in adult diapers. May it be my last.



PS I hope I didn’t offend my Poise wearing bloggy friends with this post. I do have more to add to the confession. If this were to happen today, with this economy, I’d use the darn things! What a couple of wasteful chumps!