Cool Like That

I remember when I was cool like that, lingering over cocktails and shaking my caboose under the strobe lights at the local hot spot. The better part of my energy was spent eyeing the newest fox in town. My wardrobe was bursting at its designer seams, full of hip huggers and size 2 slinky numbers. The top on my ride was usually down, highlighted hair in the wind. “Catch me if you can, cowboy,” followed by a wink and a smile was my M.O.

Now, my calling card has changed.

“OK, who pooped?”

“Sit still. I gotta wipe your boogies.”

“And shove another pea up your nose and I’m gonna get ugly!”

These are among the most common utterances in my typical day. Nowadays, I get giddy when Lee Riders go on sale at the local Wal-mart. Most of my energy is spent chasing people with poopy pants. My nights out often include a burger and a balloon. The highlight of my week involves veggies and a cooperative 3 year old. And my mini van is the slinkiest ride on my cul -de- sac.

Such is the life after a girl is swept off her feet by a new in town stranger, a wide smile, a fat diamond ring and one smoking hot hiney. Kinda caught this gal unawares.