Vintage Blogging

It’s not every day that somebody leaves a comment suggesting I update my blog.

“Don’t people usually at least upgrade their header every once in a while?” ~anonymous

Well, let me formally respond.

We roll with the old school here on Mamma Talk.

We happily present a vintage blog.

We are classic. Timeless. Retro.

Are the columns too skinny? Well, scroll down, the way we did it back in the day!

Wondering where the tabs are? Don’t got none. Easy!

And, we are in mint condition, mind you. ‘Still in the package’. That’s us.

To suggest Mamma talk is outdated…. that she’s rubbing elbows with the dinos…..and perhaps even hinting that we’re not with it?

Are we old-ish around the gills, are we?

Think we run an old fashioned gig?

Type type type type type type type type type type type typeCHING!
Type type type type type type type type type type type typeCHING!

Are you saying our technical
S
K I
L
L S are lacking?

That maybe we are a bit CLuelEss, even?

That the Mamma is not aging gracefully?

Well, I beg to differ.

We may not be a trendsetter. But, we rise above the trends.

‘Cuz we run a classy joint here.

And a classy broad always acts her age!

Today I Am 2!!

Today, Mamma Talk is turning two!

She has emerged from her infancy and is now running steadily into her terrible twos…. tantrums, teething, potty training and all…

When I think back to that day I labored Mamma talk into existence, fiddling with Blogger and struggling with Twitter, I never could have imagined this day.

I merely thought this was a small experiment, a strange hobby that I didn’t totally get, a fad that would see its better day. But, I kept tending to this small, sometimes dusty corner of the blogosphere.

Along the way, I’ve met some lovely friends, written many posts…..both good and bad.

And, in the end, I kinda hung in there. Sure, I bellyached.

I complained that I had nothing to say.

That it was the wrong season to blog.

That I was just too preoccupied to keep up….

And, had better things to do….

‘Cuz that’s what blogging is about.

Now, we have two flickering pink candles on this birthday cake and a proud toddler blogger eager for what awaits us…on the bloggy seas!

Thank you for reading! A big thank you to those of you who actually took the guided tour of old posts! Took me awhile to link to all of them!

Mamapedia

Happy 2010! Hope all had a wonderful holiday and are starting an amazing New Year!

I had the honor of being featured on Mammapedia yesterday. I wrote about thinking caps and how easy they are to misplace. Happens everyday at the Mamma Talk humble abode.

While you're over there, you might want to consider submitting one of your old posts. They feature everyday Mammas everyday....

Merry SITSmas

So many different ways to say Merry Christmas this holiday season...

Merry Christmas

Joyeux Noel

Feliz Navidad

od Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Å

Zalig Kerstfeast

Mele Kalikimaka

Feliz Natal

Merry Keshmish

But, most of all....Merry SITSmas!

Be sure to visit the SITS Girls if you haven't already. It is a wonderful blogging community with giveaways and blogathons. Lots of fun!

New Show on The Travel Channel

I had the opportunity to preview a new show, "Meet the Natives", that is scheduled to air on The Travel Channel this Sunday evening, November 29.

"Meet the Natives" chronicles the journey of five men from the remote Pacific island of Tanna as they tour the United States. These men are traditional farmers who typically wear grass skirts and sheaths (yes, those kind of sheaths). The spend their days living without the "conveniences" of modern men.

The show is done very tastefully, maintaining respect for the "native" men's culture. And, in the end, we are the ones who learn lessons from their thoughtful insights and warm humor.

Be sure to watch! This show premieres this Sunday evening, November 29 at 9 and 10 E/P.

Click here for a preview.

A Jurassic Lullaby

“Rock a Bye, Baby…”

My two year old was cradling the plastic Jurassic beast in her arms, patting its scaly back and kissing its reptilian nose.

“Shhh,” she whispered in its ear before placing it in the cradle for further rocking.

“Go sleep,” she cooed.

I stared at the Velociraptor, swaddled in a pink baby blankie, bottle shoved between its prominent fangs.

I admired my little one’s nurturing; her kind way with the ferocious creature.

She slipped a chubby cheeked baby doll under the covers next to the dinosaur.

“Friend,” she declared, eyes glimmering with joy.

And, I could have sworn, those red dino eyes shared the same glimmer.

For different reasons.

Needless to say, I re-located that fat dolly to a safe house later that day.

Not on my watch, ya overgrown croc!

Just wanted to give a big thank you to Heather from The Extraordinary Ordinary. She gave me such a lovely shout out the other day here. I am the "short and sweet" that she refers to (third paragraph down to be specific). If you haven't seen Heather's blog, please head over. Her posts are so well written and moving. After visiting her blog, you'll feel as if you just had a chat over tea with an old friend. The gal's got talent. You won't be disappointed.

My favorite post of Heather's is here. "Remember" It's simply lovely.

Let's Sail the Bloggy Seas.....

BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT!!

Please excuse this interruption as “Mamma Talk” has temporarily been pirated by some ghostly, ghastly pirates.

Pirate 1: Arrrgh! We’re at the Capt’n’s wheel now, Mateys!

Pirate 2: We be flyin’ the Jolly Roger tonight. This be our blog now. “Pirate Talk” she’ll be. Argh.

Pirate 1: We be off to sail the bloggy seas. Pull the anchor and raise the sails, me hearties.

Pirate 2: We be helpin’ ourselves to yer bloggy booty, stealing yer pieces of eight and helpin’ ourselves to yer lassies.

Pirate 1: And, if ya don’t like it….well, dead men tell no tales.

Pirate 2: And, if ya do like it, well, yo-ho-ho!

Pirate 1: Light the cannons, there fellers. They be sleeping with Davey Jones tonight.

Much apologies from Mamma Talk management for this piratey coup. We’ll be back to regular scheduled programming after the holiday…..we hope.

I'm a Scary Mommy, Too!

Scary Mommy is hosting a contest to find the most deserving “real” mother out there. In other words, she is looking for another “Scary Mommy” - a mommy with heart and soul, but who is also firmly grounded in the reality of the mommy trenches; a mommy who is most unafraid to admit her faults.

This contest, dear reader, simply called my name…

I began this blog shortly after I left my teaching career armed and equipped with the best a teaching credential has to offer. I happily infiltrated the ranks of stay at home mommydom, prepared, ready and….

…promptly got my hinny handed to me on a plate by a colicky baby and some dirty diapers.

I have been giddily blogging about the experience ever since.

The winner is given the opportunity to be highlighted on a blog that promotes the new movie, “Motherhood”, starring Uma Thurman, Minnie Driver and Anthony Edwards.

They’re also giving away a video camera.

So, if you could be so kind, please comment on Scary Mommy’s blog and tell her you think Mammatalk is the best candidate! Or, you could post your own Scary Mommy story. Nothing like a little healthy competition.

And, here is my favorite post that depicts the struggle to maintain sanity while mothering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Parent Decoder Ring.

I had saved up for weeks, hoarding every nickel and penny. I sent away for it secretly. Mum was the word. I had snuck the order form out to the mail, hidden between a couple bills.

And now, here it was. Shiny and new. Blinking and beeping on my kitchen table.

The fat instruction booklet was full of promise. Dr. Sears had nothing on this thing. Bothered by temper tantrums? Two turns to the left and a click to the right. Whiney toddler? One full spin and a push of the red blinking button. Argumentative tween? A couple spins and a few pushes of some multi colored buttons, a-la-Morse code.

I had thought I found the Holy Grail of Parenting. Soon after, I began seeing other parent decoder rings…everywhere!

The loud mouth in playgroup had one on her keychain. Our preschool teacher donned one on her right hand. And, what is that on the left finger of my Mother-in-Law??

Ring! Ring!

Ring! Ring!

Nurse: Doctor’s Office.

Hubby: She’s at it again. This time I found her leafing through the phone book and spinning a mood ring around in her hand.

Nurse: I’ll have the doctor call you ASAP….But, sir….if I can be so bold….You’ve really gotta stop forgetting Date Night…

Hubby: I know, I know…. Start with a bottle of Kendall Jackson and a foot rub….

Nurse: That’s a start.

My Magic Fairy Mamma-Mamma

So, I was spending time with my head in the cyber clouds. Taking a walk down the proverbial bloggy block when I dozed off. Not sure whose prose lulled me to sleep….Must have happened somewhere between a Crockpot recipe and a new baby tale, I suppose. But, no matter.

With my head resting on CNTRL/ALT, I floated off to the land of noddy. I was greeted by a magnificent lady in silver taffeta.

“Greetings, Mammatalk,” she chirped, adjusting her tiara.

“Who are you?” I asked, groggy and confused.

“My darling, I am your magic Fairy Mamma Talk-mother.” She was delighted as she spoke, clapping her hands with enthusiasm and with her shimmering wings fluttering in the laptop glow.

Nervous and excited, she was eager to explain. Her words quickly spilled out of her. She got ahead of herself at times as she bubbled on and on, stumbling here and stuttering there. She spoke of pumpkin facial masks and mommy spas. Pedicures, haircuts and waxings. Champagne flutes and chocolate. She tossed something out there about a life coach. Testing the waters, I think. Then, she finished off speaking of a nice afternoon nap with a Snuggie and a good book.

I was confused.

Surely, this was a good fairy. A creature of light. A good Samaritan of sorts. Eager to spread joy to my mamma world.

I should be overjoyed.

But, there was something about her manic giddiness that put me on edge.

Not to mention, the CNTRL/ALT key was digging into my nose.

“Why have you come?” I inquired.

She sighed. “All Mammas need a fairy mamma…Mamma…..Mammma! MAAMMMMA!!”

Then, I awoke with a start finding a keyboard jammed up my nose and a demanding toddler peering into my face.

“Mamma??”

And, off I went to fill sippy cups and change dirty diapers. But, you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be in the garden tonight clicking ruby slippers and searching for a cricket named Jiminy. Or is it that mousey pair, Gus and Jaq, I should be looking for?

A discarded lamp?

Some magic beans?

You don’t think Rumpelstiltskin is behind this? I really can’t stand that guy.

Hmmm.

Might explain the shifty eyes.

One Year!!

I can't believe it's been a year. A whole year.

I had meant to plan a big party complete with balloons, noisemakers and a juicy giveaway. But, alas, time got the better of me.

Today is Mammatalk's one year Blogiversary. It's been a year filled with snickering and lurking. Tweeting and twittering. Friending and following. Deleting and composing. And deleting again.

Oh, my baby blog, I have watched you learn to crawl....and then run. I watched with a tear in my eye as you wobbled down the hall on your spindly legs....and ran off into the blogosphere.

Thank you, my sweet, bloggy offspring, for being a refuge, a place for giggles and grins, a challenge as well as a springboard. I think back to those difficult newborn days when it was just you and me....posting and editing....*sigh*.....if only I knew then what I know now....I'd do it all over again!

And, thank you readers, subscribers, followers and most beloved lurkers! Thank you for joining me on the journey.

Ah...somebody is out there, right?

Happy First Birthday,Mammatalk! You're one heck of a kid!

Laptop Romeo

My laptop and I are having a torrid affair. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s shocking how easily one slips into these little indiscretions. Sometimes, these things just…well…sorta happen.

I am simply addicted to the time we spend together. I sneak in moments whenever I can. Early morning. Nap time. Late nights.

You see….my laptop makes me feel like a new woman. He listens. He sends me messages. Makes me feel noticed. Adored. He gets me.

There’s never an argument. No demands. No nit picking.

It’s just easy.

But, after last night, I think it may be over. I’ve been so engrossed in my little affair, that I have been negligent of hubby. Noticing hubby was missing, I wandered into his home office only to catch him with a slinky little I-Mac.

He claims it was just a little innocent flirtation, but I suspect otherwise. During our argument, that trampy I-Mac took off running out the back door hand in hand with my Romeo of a laptop.

Typical.

Acknowledging our foolishness, hubby and I kissed and made up. We’re good at that.

But, I must confess. Temptation has reared it’s ugly head again.

It’s that Blackberry.

Keeps giving me the eye.

Little Crayola Me

Now, you know I approve whole heartedly of the creative arts.

I encourage it. I support it. I even prefer it.

I am the first to pull out the ol’ craft box. I allow my little gals quite a bit of free range when it comes to stretching the right side of their brains. And I would never think of limiting creative expression.

Gel pen. Crayola. Marker. Chalk pastels.

You name it. I’m all for it. Bring it on.

But, when my preschooler showed me her latest masterpiece labeled simply “Mommy”, I was aghast. I had to steady myself, really.

Stick legs. Medusa hair. No neck. Missing eye.

And, my middle finger was in a rigid salute. High in the air. Couldn’t miss it. For all to see.

Without a doubt, my quirky caricature was flipping everyone the bird.

And, judging by the crooked grimace on my no- nose cartoon face, I sure as heck meant it.

Not exactly sure what had gotten my Crayola likeness so peeved. But, I imagine, if I woke up missing a neck and a nose, with my hair full of snakes, I might be a little ornery myself.

************************************************************************************

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Get Published in Regional Parenting Magazines.

Blogging- A Winter Sport?

I’ve come to the conclusion that blogging is a winter sport. It’s right up there with snowshoeing and tobogganing.

I’ve noticed recently during my travels through the blogosphere, many of my fellow bloggees…ah…bloggos……ah….never mind…are a bit distracted. It seems most are camping, gardening, sunbathing and the like.

I decided to consult a local social scientist to see if the empirical evidence I have gathered is indeed substantiated.

Mammatalk: So, Doctor. Do bloggers blog in June?

Doctor Blogger: This is dependent on the location of the bloggee. The closer to the Poles the bloggee resides, the longer the Blogging season. The winters in the Polar Regions tend to be longer. As such, Polar dwelling Homo Sapiens tend to habituate indoors longer seeking intellectual stimulation in front of electronic devices.

Mammatalk: Ummm-Hmmm…

Doctor Blogger: Conversely, the closer a Homo Sapien resides to the equator, the more likely blogging behavior will decrease in June. Subsequently, an increase will be noted in outdoor behaviors …. bird watching for example.

Mammatalk: Ah…yeah?

Doctor Blogger: However, we do have a few anomalies. For example… the bloggee who resides in an area with mild year round weather. To these bloggees, a sunny day is merely a sunny day. Not a distraction.

Mammatalk: Yo, Doc. Pass the sunscreen?

Doctor Blogger: My point exactly.

5 Minutes for Parenting

Today, I have the honor of being featured here on 5 Minutes for Parenting in their A Dose of Humor weekly column. If you would like to link up your funniest moment of the week, be sure to pay them a visit.

Here Comes the Sun

Sorry for the brief absence, all.

You see, the sun has been calling my name. It’s been a bit of a wolf call, actually. Long and drawn out….impossible to ignore.

And, I’ve responded in typical lady like fashion…batting my eyelashes…pretending to ignore his flirtatious gestures. Telling him my dance card is full. Biding my time.

Until, finally…the perfect day.

75 degrees. No wind. Blue skies.

My little ducklings in tow, I made my way to the nearest patch of sun. There was a whole lot of lounging. A bit of strolling. A dab of picnicking. Plenty of skipping. Some bug catching. And, quite possibly too much bubble blowing.

And, again, the next day….and the next…

Summer, my friends, has stolen me away….

Author’s note….Don’t worry. You aren’t rid of me yet.

Goop

I have recently made an observation.

I have read dozens of parenting books, blogs and mags. I attended the parenting prep course at the hospital. I even took an early childhood development course or two while obtaining my teaching credential (imagine that.)

At no time did I receive even a glimpse of a warning regarding the goop I would encounter once I had kids.

Yeah, yeah. Somehow I ended up with a nose syringe along the way. But, without instructions, explanations or demonstrations, mind you.

There was never information on how to de-goop, de-clog or de-goober. No tips on dried versus wet goop. No discussion regarding the resistance you would encounter while attempting to clean this goop. No advice regarding the difficulty in keeping the goop in authorized areas. But, my main complaint is the avoidance of the mention of the goop transfer.

A typical child has 8 colds a year. Goober transfer is a big deal. Without proper guidance, things can get outta hand. What starts with one goopy, little nose quickly leads to a goobery back of the sleeve, goobery cheeks, and goobery hair. And, once the fingers are goobered…Well, that’s one goobery, slippery slope.

The living room goober transfer quickly proceeds. The back of the couch usually is the first to fall victim, followed by the arm of the couch and other low, unsuspecting, carpety, secrety places….I’m sure you’re getting the picture.

Worse yet, you can’t even escape the gooberiness yourself. Yes, you become part of the goober transfer. As you attempt to wrangle the goobers, you become a big part of the goober problem. Consider the goober baton passed, so to speak, as you become a working cog in the goober wheel, transferring goobers to all kinds of unsuspecting up high, un-carperty areas. You are, thereby, completing the goober transfer.

Shivering in your boots? Fear not. This can work in your favor.

Hubby: “Babe, can ya pass me the remote?”

Me: “Here, honey.”

Hubby: “What’s this? EEEWW!!”

Me: Vengeful giggle.

Don’t judge me. Hard to keep your sanity in this goobery house. Yeah, and consider yourself slimed, too! My compliments.


~Author's note~ Thank you all for supporting me last week during my writer's strike. I am back to work now and am looking forward to putting this all behind me. And, as far as that little itty bitty thing with Larry King...Well, he promised to put the whole thing behind him as well...provided I stay at least 30 yards from him and his studio at all times. NO problem Lar, ya big chick magnet!

Breaking News!

Bob- Mamma talk news anchor: Breaking news here at the studio. The Mamma Talk writer’s strike is over! After a long standing writer’s strike over at Mamma Talk Bloggy studios, negotiations have finally been reached. We repeat, negotiations have been reached. Although the details were not released to the press, negotiations have been rumored to be upwards of one Zero million dollars. That would make Mamma Talk one of the blogosphere’s newest zero-illionares. Now, let’s cut to Joe, reporter on the street.

Joe-Reporter on the street: Wow. How many zeroes in a Zero-million, Bob?

Bob: That would be one, Joe. Yep. One big, fat zero.

Joe: Wow, Bob! Imagine having that in your wallet!

Bob: It’s something I think about every day, Joe.

Joe: So, here I am standing out front of Mamma Talk studios chatting with Doris here who actually saw the Mamma as she exited Mamma Talk Studios earlier. Isn’t that right, Doris?

Doris: Yes, she rammed that double stroller over my bunion, that one did!

Joe: Did she say anything to you?

Doris: She was muttering something about a zero burning a hole in her pocket.

Joe: Well, thank you, Doris.

Doris: Can a zero do that?

Joe: Back to you in the studio, Bob.

Bob in the studio: Thank you, Joe and Doris. All of us here at Mamma Talk News would like to congratulate the Mamma on her big win. And, knowing the Mamma, she’ll probably triple her earnings in less than a year.

Lighting guy off camera: Now, that’s a lot of zeros.

Bob: I know I can speak for everyone here at Mamma Talk News. Lookin’ forward to more Mamma Talk posts soon! More at eleven.

Larry King

Due to the writer’s strike over at Mamma Talk Bloggy Studios, we will be airing a recent episode of Larry King Live. Mamma Talk executives felt this episode was pertinent to all informed Mamma Talk readers.

Larry King: Tonight, I’ve got an exclusive interview with the lady blogger who has been making headlines. That’s right, none other than the one and only Mamma Talk is here.
We’ll be back for a face to face talk after this…

(Commercial. Commercial. Commercial. Etc.)

Larry King: We’re back here on Larry King Live with the Mamma. Mamma, welcome here tonight.

Mamma Talk: Thanks, Larry. Good to be here.

Larry King: You look well under the circumstances. Can you tell me how this writer’s strike over at Mamma Talk began?

Mamma Talk: I’m so glad to be here to tell my side of the story tonight, Larry. So much has been said about this in the press.

Larry: Yes, I saw the tabloid pictures.

Mamma Talk: Pictures? Larry, those shots were doctored. I’ve never even met Nikki Crumpet. Besides, as I have stated before, she was standing in my light.

Larry: Hmmmm…

Mamma Talk: It all began with a little blog about 6 months ago. I was at home with my two young children. I was in the need of some intellectual challenge.

Larry King: I see.

Mamma Talk: And I started blogging and blogging. And still no pay. No benefits. No 401 K.

Larry King: Interesting.

Mamma Talk: I felt taken advantage of, used, tossed aside…even a little invisible. (squeak)

Larry King: And, you weren’t aware that blogging was not a salaried position?

Mamma Talk: What?

Larry King: I mean, prior to starting your mom blog, you thought there would be…What?... a paycheck or something?

Mamma Talk: (Sigh) All I’m asking for is a little support! A little empathy. A little comment here or there. Mention me to your friends. Subscribe via Feedburner, maybe?

Larry King: That doesn’t seem like a lot to ask. But, you did know, didn’t you, that blogging is not a salaried position. Most blogs make pennies or nothing at all.

Mamma Talk: Larry, why are you grilling me?

Larry King: Just asking a question. I don’t think I’m grilling you. Am I?

Mamma Talk: Larry, did the Big Wigs over at Mamma Talk Studios get to you first? Slip ya a twenty maybe?

Larry King: Absolutely!

Mamma talk: GRRR!

Larry King: I’ve heard you growl a lot on your blog.

Mamma Talk: Yeah, ya got that right, Mister. And, step aside, YOU’RE STANDING IN MY LIGHT!!!

Panicked Director off camera: Cut to commercials, for crying out loud!!!

The View

Due to the recent writer’s strike here at Mamma Talk, we are pirating a recent episode of The View. We felt this episode of The View was pertinent to our readers. Once contract negotiations are reached here at MT Studios, we will return to our regular blog postings.

Barbara Walters: Welcome, everyone to The View. As we all know, the infamous mommy blogger, Mammatalk, is in the middle of a writer’s strike. Bloggy readers everywhere have been subjected to old blog post re-runs.

Sherri Shepard: And, rumor has it, the fur has really been flying behind the scenes over at Mamma Talk studios. That Mamma has apparently been a terror to work with.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Do you think it’s postpartum depression?

Joy Behar: Post Partum psychosis, more like it. Did you see that shiner on poor, little Nikki Crumpet? That Mamma Talk is vicious!

Sherri: Oh, those tabloid photos must have been doctored, ya think?

Barbara Walters: Is it our responsibility as readers to step in if we think there’s a problem? She does have young children…

Joy Behar: Come on, she’s on a writer’s strike, for crying out loud. Not a parenting strike…

Brief moment of all talking over each other. Much is unintelligible, but some words are clear… "Lost it”, “NUTS!” and something about Obama.

Whoopi Goldberg: Now, hold on, people. Let’s not go craaazy. If the lady does not want to write for free, the lady does not have to write for free. It doesn’t mean she’s lost her mind.

Sherri: But, what will the people read, Whoopi?

Elizabeth: Yeah, we need Mamma Talk back!

Barabara Walters: I, have to say, I myself do enjoy reading a little Mamma Talk three times weekly. Very good reading.

Joy Behar: Maybe someone outta slip a little Prozac in her coffee…

Whoopi: Prozac??

Joy: I’m just saying…If you’re watchin’, ya might wanna try a little medication, Mamma!

-CLICK!-

Mammatalk: Grrrrrrr!

Writer's Strike!!

…Beeeeeeeeeep!...... We interrupt this blog post for a Mamma Talk Newsflash!

Looks like it’s a writer’s strike over at the Mamma Talk Headquarters. Yesterday, Mamma Talk herself was seen storming out of Mamma Talk Studios during contract negotiations. Mamma Talk production immediately shut down.

“How much longer do you people expect me to blog without pay?” she hissed at reporters as she stormed to her minivan, kids in tow.

Now, the world waits with baited breath. Will sweeps week be effected? The ripple effect is far reaching. Readers everywhere are afraid other mommy bloggers may follow her lead. Could this halt production on other bloggy sets? The word on the street is the Mommy Bloggers may unionize. How will this hit readers in the pocket book?

Let’s cut to this news clip…

Reporter: Mamma! Are you throwing in the towel for good this time?

Mamma Talk: (head out minivan window): Long hours, NO pay, NO benefits! I am SICK of this Bloggy thing! I hear Ann over at Ann's Rants gets paid twice what I do!

Reporter: Twice? Well, doesn’t 2x0 still equal zero?

Mamma Talk: Exactly

Reporter: And, rumor has it, you feel Anna Lefler from Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder is getting more publicity?

Mamma Talk: Yeah! I was supposed to be the lead in this gig and that one keeps stealing my readers!.....Oh, and step aside, you’re in my light!

Reporter: Do you think your bad girl behavior has ruffled feathers over at Mamma talk Studios?

Mamma Talk: WHAT? That incident between Nikki Crumpet and myself was alleged, exaggerated and taken out of context. Besides, she was standing in my light!

Reporter: So, what’s next for the Mamma?

Mamma Talk: I’m going solo!

Reporter: Solo? Well, you heard it here first. Back to you in the studio, Bob.

That’s right, readers. We are the first to break the big news. Mamma is looking to go solo. If negotiations are not reached soon….

Lighting Guy off Camera: Isn’t she already solo?

…Um…If negotiations are not reached soon, the Mamma will begin a solo career…which means….Well, …ah….um….when we figure that one out we’ll let ya know. Remember, you heard it here on Mamma Talk News FIRST!

And, now back to your regularly scheduled blog post.

….and, then I made some more macaroni for my preschooler and…blah, blah, blah…Poopy diapers…blah, blah, blah…Froupy frit frat!